I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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