So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
