I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
this is an emotional support booty call
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
