My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
