I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
