just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
