We won't sleep together?
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
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