Betty ford says i'm here all night
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
