Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
