how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
