The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Also, beer. Big fan.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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