She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
