When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
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