the new term for farting is butt boxing.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
