Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Please, let me fuck your mom
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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