Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I don't think brook has ever known best
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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