I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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