You don't have asthma, your pregnant
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
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