Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
