My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
im calling her cock vulture from now on
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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