Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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