ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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