so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
