so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
