If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
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