1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
