i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
it was like eating out sand paper
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
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