How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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