I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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