these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
