a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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