Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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