My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
