I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
