my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
