the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
