I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
