Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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