i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
