My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
