Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize
