I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
