I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
