do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
i wish my penis had a tongue
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
YAS. BRING CRAB.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
