the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
