im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
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