btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Randomize
