the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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