how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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