That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
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