; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
