batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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